In this week’s story, a woman tries to be a good aunt while her boyfriend is busy exploring his kinky side: 24, in a relationship, New York.
DAY ONE
5:15 a.m. My 7-year-old nephew is calling for me. I don’t know how my sister lives like this.
My sister and I are very close — she’s several years older, and we basically raised each other. So when she left her husband, I told her I would help her and the kids in any way I could. Which means watching her 5- and 7-year-olds for a week while she takes a mental-health vacation in California.
I’m really happy to help her, and I’ve been babysitting since I was 13, so I know how it’s done. But today is only my second day with them and it’s already a lot! It’s definitely “birth control,” as they say. I probably needed the reminder, since my boyfriend, Miles, and I have been a little sloppy lately.
8 a.m. I let my niece and nephew watch TV for hours so I could sleep a bit more. My sister can undo the brain-cell damage on her end.
9 a.m. Drop them both at summer camp, which is a few blocks from my apartment, and head to my office. I’m an assistant editor at a book publisher. It’s just a paycheck at this point (and not a very big one). I don’t want to stay in the industry; I think I want to become a fashion influencer instead. Go ahead, make fun of me.
1 p.m. One perk of my tedious job is that my boyfriend works a few blocks away, and right now we’re meeting for lunch. He’s a paralegal at a law firm and working toward his law degree at night. I really love his ambition and drive. We met a few months ago on Hinge. We’ve been inseparable since our first date. We have sex almost every night and take cool trips on the weekend, like going upstate for hiking and Westhampton for the beach.
Lately we’ve been exploring a little kink in the bedroom, which we talk about at lunch. He definitely wants to be tied up, and I suspect he has deeper, darker, desires that he’s not comfortable saying out loud yet. I’m not sure I even want to know, honestly.
4 p.m. My boss gives me the death stare as I walk out the doors. This annoys me since I told her last week that I was going to have to leave early every day this week to do camp pickup. She said she totally understood and that as mom herself, she thought it was really cool that I was helping my sister out. So she can’t begrudge me for it now.
4:05 p.m. Pick up the kids from camp. I love how they jump in my arms. That’s a crazy dopamine-inducing feeling. I can’t even imagine how good it feels for parents.
6 p.m. We are making frozen pizza and FaceTiming with my sister. I’m so happy to see her relaxing by a beach, and I make sure she knows there is nothing to worry about here.
7 p.m. After a bath and putting on jammies, the kids are pretty zonked. I set up a blow-up mattress in my other, tiny room (it’s not even big enough to call a second bedroom, really).
I read them a couple books and kiss them good night.
9 p.m. Now that the kids are asleep, my boyfriend comes over. They know about him, but they don’t need to see him 24/7, and I don’t want mildly annoying kids cramping our style or throwing him off. He has made it very clear that he does not want children.
10 p.m. We have quick, hot sex and both feel too tired to discuss our kinky goals. I send him home so I can get to bed and wake up bright and early tomorrow.
DAY TWO
5:15 p.m. It’s like clockwork, man. Again, I throw my nephew and then my niece in front of the TV and try to fall back asleep.
9 a.m. At camp drop-off, the kids are crying for my sister and also miss their dad. I don’t tell them their dad is a piece of shit who has a problem with monogamy. Instead, we FaceTime both parents and the kids calm down a bit.
11 a.m. Drop-off takes longer than usual because of the tears, and my boss seems annoyed that I’m late. She has kids but also a nanny. I don’t know how working moms without nannies and working moms with nannies ever get along. It seems like a completely different ballpark.
3 p.m. Miles texts me a picture of a dog collar with studs. Hmm. Wait, is that for me or for him? I write back, “Say more.” He tells me he ordered it for both of us to play with. Okay. I don’t think I want to wear that, but I guess he can? I heart his message because I don’t know what else to say.
4 p.m. Leave early again to get the kids.
6 p.m. Miles and I take the kids out for pizza and drink wine while they draw at the table. It feels like we’re parents. He’s being cute with them, but he reminds me at every given chance that he does not want children. Finally, I say, “I get it, bro.”
11 p.m. I send Miles home and watch Love Island USA until a regrettable hour.
DAY THREE
6 a.m. Fuck my life, I am tired today. I can’t believe my sister has done this for seven-plus years. No wonder everything got so messy for her; this shit is hard.
10 a.m. My boss asks to talk about my happiness at work. She wants to make sure I’m growing and evolving. I feel like she’s looking at me with hatred the whole time, and yet the words out of her mouth are technically empathetic. I nod politely and tell her I love my job. My days here are numbered, and I think we both know it.
1 p.m. I start to think about my end game here. My income just pays my rent. I’m left with not a penny more. Any supplemental money I have for food and play is from babysitting jobs (my sister’s friends hire me quite often) or the occasional modeling gig I book (former child model here — still have an agent!) and a couple small fashion-influencer gigs (like going to events or doing sponsored posts). And then Miles pays for all our meals and travel. He does decently at work, but he has super-rich parents who make sure he can enjoy his life. I have no qualms about letting him pay for me!
4 p.m. Time to get the kids from camp. I don’t even look my boss’s way as I grab my bag and go.
7 p.m. Miles comes over with a bottle of wine while I tuck the kids in. “Mom juice,” he says.
11 p.m. I blow him while watching Love Island and let him gag me a little with his dick (which he loves), and then I assure him he can wear the collar over the weekend. It’s right there in his backpack. He’s dying to get it out. But he doesn’t because I don’t give him an opening. Oy. I’m not really looking forward to that. Maybe I’m not as kink curious as I thought. I kick him out again because of the kids.
DAY FOUR
5 a.m. Both kids are awake, and both are crying for their parents. I put them in front of their screens and put some waffles in the toaster. I’m so sleep deprived at this point I don’t even care anymore about going back to bed. I’ll sleep for a week when I give them back.
9 a.m. It’s camp drop-off time, and I feel like we’ve already been awake for half the day.
11 a.m. I have so much to do at work today. My boss wants me to read through some manuscripts and send back notes. I also have to take two Zoom meetings with potential authors, and then I’m working on marketing plans for a few projects we have in the pipeline.
3 p.m. I am really tired. I need to not see Miles tonight and go to bed at six.
8:30 p.m. I’m forcing myself not to watch Love Island. Instead, I take a sleep gummy and go to bed.
DAY FIVE
9 a.m. Last day of camp drop-off. The counselor reminds me that there’s a little show the kids are putting on and it’s at 2 p.m. today. I am not going to let them be the only kids with no family there, so I quickly figure out how to bail on work that early.
1 p.m. I haven’t mentioned leaving early yet to my boss. Should I fake sick? Should I pretend it’s work related? She’s been encouraging me to meet with future talent? I go with that …
1:30 p.m. I tell my boss I’m taking a future author out to lunch. She wants details. I tell her it’s actually the creative director of the kids’ camp. That he was in prison, and has a beautiful redemption story. I have no idea where I come up with any of it. I think she knows I’m lying, but I’m let loose for the next few hours.
2 p.m. I barely make it to the camp in time, but I get there and the kids’ little show is absolutely adorable. I film this whole thing for my sister. These kids are so freakin’ cute. I’m crying.
3 p.m. I text Miles to see if he’s taking a summer Friday, which he usually does. He says he’s leaving work right now and offers to watch the kids so I can go back to the office. I really like him, but I’m not ready to leave the kids with him. I tell him just to meet us at the park.
4 p.m. I text my boss that the meeting was incredible but now I have to scoop the kids up from camp. I tell her to “Have a good weekend!” As I hit send, I know she’s going to fire me. The question is: when?
8 p.m. After a nice night at the park with Miles and the kids, we’re all doing bedtime at my apartment.
9 p.m. Getting them to bed is exhausting. I just want to watch TV and not be cute and definitely not be kinky. I wish Miles would go home, but I don’t vocalize that.
10 p.m. Miles has the dog collar on. We are naked in my room with the door locked. I really don’t know what he wants me to do. There’s no leash. Just the collar. I call him a dirty little bitch (get it … a female dog is a bitch?). He seems disappointed by my lack of initiation. This is going to require more communication than I have the energy for right now. We end up having pretty regular sex. He’s in the collar the whole time. It’s the first time he’s ever given me the ick.
11 p.m. He goes home.
DAY SIX
10:30 a.m. My sister lands at the airport around now. I would love to surprise her there, but I literally don’t know how to get two young kids to JFK. Man, I have a newfound respect for parents.
12 p.m. Instead, we make cards and decorate my apartment for a little surprise party for her. I keep a bin of construction paper, markers, and art supplies for the kids, so we dip into that and tape up a bunch of cute projects.
1 p.m. My sister finally makes it to my place, and the kids run into her arms. She gives me the biggest hug and thanks me. I tell her I would do it again in a heartbeat. I mean it, too.
3 p.m. I’m in a silent apartment. Ahh! This is crazy. I almost don’t know what to do with myself. I smoke a joint (hello, old friend!) and decide to scrub the place. Kids sure are sticky.
6 p.m. I’m supposed to go to a party with Miles tonight, but I really need some alone time. I tell him I think I’m getting sick. The kids brought home lots of germs from camp (wink wink).
11 p.m. Binge a disgusting amount of Love Island and eat ice cream. Best night ever.
DAY SEVEN
9 a.m. I’m well rested! I’m human! I go to Trader Joe’s and stock up on healthy food for the week.
11:30 p.m. Go to a hot-yoga class at a random yoga studio that offers first class free.
4 p.m. Miles wants to come over for dinner. I tell him my throat hurts. I’m kind of turned off by him at the moment. I know the answer is to have an honest conversation with him about it all, but there’s one more thing on my mind.
8 p.m. I’m on the phone with him trying to articulate that one more thing. I think I want to have children. Not right now; not in the near future. But I think one day, I want to be a mom. And I don’t want to invest in someone who is definitely anti-children. Miles tries to say that he might change his mind, but he’s not very convincing.
9 p.m. Our chat turns into a lowkey breakup call. I think? I don’t know. It was a really intense week for me and maybe I’m just out of whack, but I tell him I think he needs to join Feeld and explore his sexuality and that we should be friends. It all comes out just like that, total word vomit.
10 p.m. We’re finally off the phone. He was really sad. We decided to meet up in a few days. I might change my mind. I just need a little space. And I don’t want to be tied up — or tie him up. I think I was more anxious about all of that than I led on, to both him and myself.
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